So it has been a few months since I have posted anything interesting or in an attempt to be intellectual. For the most part my second job has taken up a lot of time. I currently work 9-5:30 at one job and about 6pm-12am (sometimes 2am) at my other job. My life has become the real Work, Sleep, Eat routine. On my few days off and spare hours I have spent my time with close friends and working on a few side projects. Since I have not had time to work on all of the many posts and topics going through my head, I figured I would do a quick rant post. Buckle in… we are going all over the place in this one!
For the past nine years I have looked forward to a show that had a creative way to tell a love story, backwards. How I Met Your Mother may seem like another sitcom but it has a deeper sense of self to it. We followed a young Ted Mosby from his mid to late 20’s to find the woman of his dreams. With all of the ups and downs one thing was certain, he will eventually met her.
For the last week I have been busy enjoying my vacation and resting. This year the timing has really worked out for me to really have fun for a full week while it was somewhat slow at work. I was able to take a full week off to celebrate both my brothers birthday and my best friends birthday.
Today I would like to wish my best friend Siera a happy 21st birthday. Siera and I met up at FU. I was a year ahead of her and she was an incoming freshman. We had said hello in a halls a few times but I got to know her a little more due to my roommate Chris. He was hitting on this other girl at the time who was close to Siera so that’s how we got to know each other a little more. Over the school year we learned more about each other and really connected over rugby. We talked quite a bit and just began to trust each other when ever we needed to vent or needed help. Many of times I had to help her out with car issues or getting around but it was always a pleasure be cause she is one of those rare awesome people. She is my best friend and I support everything she does and believes in. There are times when it feels like she is pissed at me but I truly care a lot about her and want to make sure she is ok and happy. I want to try and help her in any way I can and even thought she is always busy with hockey and becoming a nurse, I will always have her back and she has mine. She has given me a lot of blunt and forward advise which I need a lot of times and I always respect anything she says. There are times I wish we were closer and being miles apart doesn’t help. I do want her to move to DC and work here for a while and I look forward to a few future trips with her to have fun and enjoy ourselves. Anyways she is one of my few friends and fewer best friends and I would do anything for her and just hope she has a wonderful and enjoyable birthday today!!!
I am doing this for shuts and giggles because I spent all day thinking about it I figured I would write some of it down.
What would I do if I had won $250,000,000…
Well it is 2013 and what a year 2012 was. I had many high and low points this year. To start off I moved back to DC and spent 3 months in physical therapy working on my knee. I also started working out a lot more and going to the gym. I did loose some weight but not as much as I would have liked.
My eyes are closed as a sweet smell fills the room – picture pure beauty I blush – I don’t need to open my eyes – she softly rests her hand on my cheek – I can picture her just from the euphoric perfume – a goddess of beauty and gentleness – my eyes don’t need to open to see her smile – her soft golden hair surrounds me – she gently presses her lips on my forehead – I open my eyes – she is nowhere to be seen – I peer over laying on the floor – her hoodie drenched in the scent – I close my eyes begging for her to return to me – all I can do is hold what’s left.
The numb arm searching through the sheets…
Trying to find that warmth…
Trying to find that breath…
Panicking as is scours the sheets…
Nothing to grasp…
Nothing to wrap around…
Numbness subsides as reality hits…
The heart knows…
The mind knows…
The dreams do not…
Retracting the arm back to its spot…
Knowing it can not bring one to the heart•
One knows when he has found the woman which he can not be without. He tries to imagine a life and time without her but can not see that void filled with happiness only sadness. The only thing running through his mind and heart is her. If she is the one then he will love, and protect her through anything, he will show compassion and forgiveness, and he will us his actions to provide and cherish her. He knows she is the one when he does not flirt or list over any other woman and every tiny thing she does excites and promotes him. He will do anything for her because he loves her. He will thank god for her and pray for her to have happiness. All he will care about is her and she will be the first thing he sees when he wakes and the last thing when he sleeps. Through the good times and bad he will be a rock for her and never faultier. He will not only try and win her heart but cherish and make it shine in its fullest glory. This is what love is between a man and woman and anything else is just lust and waiting the date of divorce.
So here are my 5 most favorite and would do anything girls of I ever met them.
So it was Valentines Day and I didnt have a valentine again. Oh Well…. Some times things are not supposed to be. This valentines was different than all the past ones, I actually went out.
My plan was to go to DC and hit up a bar and find someone but instead things changed and for the better. I got to hang out with Iliana, an amazing young woman who is both beautiful and true to her close friends, at Hard Times Cafe in Fairfax. It has been a while since we saw each other and she is like my baby sister. So anyways we got drunk both being each others wingmen (not that she needs one she picks them up in a heart beat). I will say I had a great time with my friend and it was what I needed… not to be shown love by a stranger but love by someone who has been around for a long time.
Anyways as of now I am going to spend more time with her since she is one of a very few people that are around and she has great taste in finding matches, bars, and swag. lol
It has been awhile since I have written something. Unfortunately not much has been going on… Working everyday, being alone, workingout, and sleeping…. Same old same old. I was hoping since I’m in dc for the summer I would be having fun with my friends and enjoying myself… Instead I have 30 days before school and still nothing. My friends are always with other friends, work or just ignoring me. One of my ex’s who I love just came back into the picture and I’m at a loss for words because of everything that has happened. I am also trying to talk to someone else but that has stalled for the moment because of my ex and distance. Screw alot of things and if anything things can only go up!
this is just freaking epic.
I am tired… Tired of thinking of you, tired of trying, tired of always being there. I have given you the chance but I see something else is there. I dont know why this happened to me but I don’t need this. I am tired of games and lies. I am tired of always being there and letting things slide. I look like a fool for trying and maybe that’s just another lesson. I don’t need to be dealing with girls. I deserve a woman. Tobad I’m tired and don’t want to bother now. Solo is sounding nice and away from you. I think about you but then I think about how one sided it is and makes me realize that I don’t want this if this is how I will be treated. I am tired and I think it’s time for me to rest and not think about it, time for me to just be ME!
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in COD to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
So I am laying here in bed thinking… Thinking about everyone I have met, everyone I have seen, everyone I have loved, everyone I have hated. So many people come and go yet there is one person in my mind all the time… I can’t get her out of my mind nomatter how hard I try. I can not believe it… This is life and I will always love and miss you. So many more people will come and go yet still you are here in my heart… I hope one day things will get better and someone just as special as you will be introduced to my life yet nomatter who comes you will always be the first one and none can take that away from you. As now you are in a place I will not be for a long time I will see you again one day and you will smile and hold my hand like that first time I held you. For nomatter what I will always love you. It has been years and only memories left yet I hold you close and can only wait for the fight that gives me reason to come flying to you. But as you hold my heart know that I am thinking about another now and she is special. I hope to have the same happyness as I enjoyed with you and pray I will not feel the same pain as I did when you left. But ofcourse only God knows what will happen and I pray everyday thinking about you. As I lay in bed in this house I wish you could see what has happened but I know deep down you have! I love you Samantha.
Hey so yesterday I threw a huge huge huge party at the soccer house. The party was designed as a welcome home to Lesaine after her loving mother (whom I had the pleasure of meeting and knowing) passed away.
So this is what it feels like…
-to know she is not in your arms
-to know you are not the one on her mind
-when all you want is her
-where you have to be the strong one and let her be happy
-to miss her smile
-to not be the first person she calls
-not to be the one she wishes good night to
-to always have her in your dreams
-to really miss someone that you can see randomly in the halls
-to wish you had the perfect chance to tell her “I love and adore you”
-being so far apart yet only a block away
-to wish she was the one you could cuddle with
-to have your heart for only one person on this earth
-when you know she is the one but your jsut another nice guy to her
-when the best comes in second place
-where you know you will never have her
-to know that it is what it is….
Only if you gave me the chance and really knew who i am you would fall in love with me.